I know what I'm doing of course. I'm COMPARING. I've done this all my life, and I'm generally happier when I don't. It's not that I want what others have, really - I just want to moan about the fact I can't have what they have. I wouldn't leave my family to go to a worship conference. And my first ministry is to my family. Yet, it's been a difficult week and a hugely difficult day today hearing from someone how wonderful it was, and how it encouraged their moving into an area I too feel called too.
So, God's grace, get this chip off my shoulder and let me appreciate what's mine!
I am ME, God's unique creation, and he has given me many wonderful gifts and experiences so far, including a third baby who makes the word joy echo around this house. I can't be expected to appreciate them 100% - but I can look at what they allow me to do, rather than what they prevent. They educate me, make me laugh, draw me out of myself. They show me God on a regular basis. ('Fanc you for You' wrote SecondSister at a prayer station at the Methodist Church on Sunday.) They are exactly the right provision for me at this stage on my spiritual journey, because God has planned it that way. I learn from them in different ways than a Worship Conference, but I am still learning.
So help me be happy for others who have tasted the new wine this week, who truly needed that injection of spirit-led worship and time with others. I'm blessed that the Spirit visits me in other ways, and how my family nurtures me. If I am ever obligation-free and able to take myself off for days at a time without being missed or needed, I know I'll be wistful for the times when I was surrounded by questions and sisterly love and fighting. I think Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts has to be helpful here. I need to be thankful for what I am given at this time, in God's time, for they are the things I need; I need to be wary of asking for what I want, especially if what I want are someone else's special gifts. Teach me, O Lord, not to resent or envy, but to accept, and honour, the gifts you make available to only me.
Girl kisses because I feel unwell
FirstSister taking care of SecondSister with tenderness
A room scattered with books and musical instruments
Times of peace and quiet
Friends who care
Times of wellness and whirlwindness
A surplus of fruit and vegetables