In short - 7 out of 10 - Definitely worth a read. Concise reminders to help
rejuvenate your relationship - a definite read for all men and also useful for
women.
I should first
perhaps say that this isn't an overtly Christian approach to marriage
and relationships, such as the Love Dare manual, so if that's what you are
looking for, you may be surprised. Let's Stick Together is instead a simple and
effective set of ideas to implement that are presented in a non-religious way,
and can be used by people of faith or without faith; Jesus never explicitly comes into it.
Used in a variety of settings, including the government's Surestart family
initiaitve in the UK, the book in theory could be described as a 'secular'
approach to relationships - it can be applied across the board without
offending non-worshippers.
For those who are keen to have a Christian tenet behind the way
they conduct their marriage, however, the book does place an emphasis on
marriage (compared to cohabitation) and, although it's been couched in
non-religious language and concepts, the thinking behind the book, and the
author's own family life, clearly revealed itself to me as Christian within the
text because I knew what to recognise. Its more subtle, faith-filled approach
may alienate those who want a stronger, clearer Christian message (or indeed
those who are seeking a patriarchal relationship, which is quite clearly not
advocated here); but one of the things I liked about the book was that it can
be used by all and sundry to apply principles that strengthen their
relationships.
Let’s Stick
Together covers many aspects of life as a couple, including a chapter on the
things we could avoid (Bad Habits) and one on the things we could take on to
improve things (Good Habits). Chapter 5, ‘Things they Don’t Teach You in
Antenatal Class’, encourages the reader to think about how feel about concepts
such as commitment and family, and how
this impacts on our relationships. The book's subtitle 'The Relationship Book
for New Parents' is, to be honest, a bit of a misnomer. Yes, this book would come
in handy adjusting to life as a couple with a newborn. It contains plenty of
suggestions as to how to work better as a couple; how to understand each other
better; how to treat each other better, even in the difficult times. Yet it's
clear from reading the text that these methods aren't merely useful in those
early, new days of parenthood - they can be applied at any point within a
marriage, whether there are young children in the family unit, older children
or no children.
Straightforward, simple ways to improve behaviours and
communication in a marriage make this book a useful read wherever you are in life's journey, so if
you don't have a newborn or one on the way, don't let that put you off this
book. Similarly, your relationship doesn't have to be at a 'crevasse moment' as
Benson terms it (AKA a long-term crisis point). For example I don't think my husband and I would
identify that we're experiencing one of those right now, even though with a
fourth child having arrived we're time- and energy-poor, but reading the book at this
time in our lives still benefits us and reminds us how to behave!
If you're familiar
with the concepts behind relationship counselling - such as love languages,
sacrifice, knowing when to keep your mouth shut and thinking about the marriage
you want to have, for example - it's possible there won't be many new ideas in
this book. For the first half of it, I found myself recognising its contents as things I knew already and was bemoaning the lack of
practical examples, when I knew most of the theory. I'd now argue, however, as the book goes on to highlight, that if you're in a period where it's hard to
implement the strategies recommended here, forward planning and remembering
what you should be doing and setting targets to
implement this when you're not exploding with tiredness at every juncture,
still remains extraordinary helpful, so keep a copy of this on the bookshelf
to dip in and out of over time.
Another aspect I
found interesting was the focus on the male narrator, who drew widely on his
experiences a a man, father and husband to address the problems that can take
place within relationships and recommend ways of remedying them. I didn't find this
offputting at all – in fact it was quite refreshing that here was a man
embracing the concept of sacrifice and putting his wife and family first,
speaking with humility about his failures and how to improve. What I would say,
however, is that having this voice, the book is likely to work well with men,
who can identify with the author and take on board his ideas. This is not to
say that women would not find it useful, but if you are looking for a book that
would particularly suit husbands and fathers, this could be it.
The book does fail on a couple of levels, but only at the expense
of firming up its strengths. Those well versed in psychology may well find its basic
approach too simplistic, for example.
Others, like myself, may seek more practical solutions to stop ourselves doing
all the things we shouldn’t, when we know we shouldn’t – rather than putting
the solutions out there and expecting us to adapt to them over time. But they
are probably the domain of a different book entirely – and I expect Benson
would argue that by spending time together, and starting to implement just a few of the things he suggests, the crevasse
point can be successfully circumnavigated.
The book also contains useful commentary on the role of men as
leaders in today’s society/families, good ideas for families to strengthen
their own traditions over time, encouragement to think about the love languages
of any children we might have, AND contains a question & answer chapter at
the end that couples can work through separately or together to gain increased insight
into their own behaviours and how these feed into life as a couple.
In summary – simple, straightforward, and likely to be beneficial
to most couples, I would recommend this as a read at any stage along life’s
journey.
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