7 Quick Takes: Reflection on the Week

With thanks to Jennifer Fulwiler for hosting - head over there to read a whole load of other Quick Takes and post your own!

1.

Please be under no illusions that this will be a spiritual reflection! I just had the urge to purge the last 7 days quickly, in retrospect. Things change quickly when you have a newborn - it's easy to lurch from disaster to joy within hours, or even minutes. I think it's important to regularly take stock and recognise this, and how life in general can twist and  turn, for better and for worse, with God always ready to let us lean on him if we let him. (I'm leaving others to comment on the Boston tragedy, and staying firmly within my domestic bubble, but yes, there's an analogy there.) Saturday, for example, I was hugely fed up, waiting for the double dose of medication that neither pharmacist we went to had in on Friday after the doctor had been out to visit me. I was feeling exhausted as par for the course, and battling an infection. Part of me was glad I missed out on our weekly movie night, as when I heard the soundtrack drifting up to where I was resting, I knew my hormones and emotions would just have erupted in tears if I was downstairs actually watching the film. When I was pregnant with 1stSister, you see, driving around Teeside in my little green Nissan Micra helping conducting an education of schools and pupil referral units, I used to listen to 'Take Me Home, Country Roads' and other John Denver songs which evoked home. 'Whisper of the Heart', which was the chosen DVD on Saturday, has a version of this song. As with other Studio Ghibli films (Totoro and Ponyo being firm favourites we have watched time and time again) the girls enjoyed this slightly older themed movie, and have been singing 'Country Roads' all week ~ delightful (although not at the dinner table...)

2.

By Sunday my medications were already starting to kick instead in, thankfully, but as Church was not a sensible option so we spent family time watching Veggie Tales and enjoying a Sunday brunch with eggs, bacon, grilled tomatoes and hash browns, and later a roast dinner with pork fillet, apple sauce, roast potatoes, Yorkshire Puddings, broccoli, sweetcorn and gravy. Actually sitting enjoying meals together with  all four sisters and FabDad* was absolutely huge progress, and I feel I needed feeding up to get well - there doesn't seem to be time to sit down and eat as much as I want to during the week...

3.

Junior Drum Kit for 2ndSister

Monday was a day with just new 4thSister and I, as the elder girls were at school and 3rdSister went to my Mum's to play for the day. As to be expected though, much of the time she was sleeping and I also got to catch up on things like labelling 1stSister's gear for her Brownie Pack holiday this weekend, ordering 2ndSister a £99 Junior Drum Kit for her 7th birthday, and so on. My Aquanatal pals who have had their first children the same time as mine express disbelief I can manage the needs of three other children and a newborn. I've explained it's not like I have four newborns to deal with, but to be honest it's more a case of having to get everything else done or the house of cards will dramatically collapse. Like it did on Wednesday (don't skip ahead though, I'm sure Tuesday is interesting...)

4.

Tuesday was a success story of sorts. I walked to Pre-school and back with 3rdSister & with 4thSister in the pram. 3rdSister enjoyed pushing the pram and obediently held onto the toddler handle when we crossed roads. It was an exhausting round trip for 4 weeks postpartum/post-C-Section but I'd been building up to it as I knew FabDad had a university meeting and couldn't do the preschool run. It also meant I could go to the corner shop! And buy items! With money! And talk to people! Outside of the home! Hooray!

5.

Wednesday. This, dear reader, was a terrible day. Not really terrible, but think having a newborn, and having the type of day you have when your husband returns to work for the first time, and everything falls apart. Although I'd been doing well since his paternity leave finished 2 weeks ago, on Wednesday FabDad caught the Nottingham to London train early in the morning and all the many, extremely helpful things he does, including:

• dressing 3rdSister;
• serving breakfast;
• supervising dishwasher duty;
• changing the steriliser;
• preparing formula powder into containers;
• pre-filling bottles with boiled water;
• helping with laundry;
• doing any lifting that needs doing;
• taking 3rdSister to the bathroom

and myriad other household tasks that sadly don't perform themselves, were done by me over the course of the day. This can all be done, of course. Even with 3rd and 4thSister at home all day and 3rdSister having a friend come to play in the morning and 4thSister missing her sleep windows and screaming and needing to be held and then needing extra feeds and me having to change dinner plans and not being sure if I could even get frozen pizza cooked and served and by the way did I explain how 3rd and 4thSister were napping at the same time upstairs so I could finally get my lunch and I was trying to multitask several things including my own lunch and burned it, setting off the very loud smoke alarm? (And breathe.) Luckily the Sisters stayed asleep in the chaos but HONESTLY this was the pace of the day and I'm very glad every day is not like Wednesday. I'm very glad to have a husband. I'm very glad to have a husband who helps as much as he does. And that disaster days like these don't come everyday (although to be honest, with a newborn, they are always on the cards!)

6.

I just love this photo of 1stSister (8)
and 4thSister (4 weeks)

Thursday - and a little respite. I don't know what it was, but by 3.30pm, two washloads, quality time with 3rdSister and a good cup of coffee, things felt doable again and I felt ready for another round. Even when things slipped off schedule, and the amount of 'stuff' that needed doing seemed overwhelming, nothing was insurmountable. To me, that's where God's grace comes in. Just at the moment you think you can't handle it, you get a free pass. Things are OK again. Well, until the next day :-)

7.

And so it's Friday. Baby Joseph came home to Fulwiler Towers last week, yay! People over the world are having babies and readjusting to life. I'm not even sure I can call 4thSister a newborn now that she's four weeks, and is past her birth weight. Today, the flak might hit the fan, or things might go more smoothly than expected. Life will go on. Amen.


* I think I'm going to call my husband this from now on for the purposes of this blog; it's silly rather than hero-worship, I think, as the Sisters once bought him a mug with this on for Father's Day which happens to be one of my favourites to drink out of and I steal at every opportunity. However, he is a Fab Dad, as you can tell from my writing about this past week, and it sits right with me. (It sounded better than FirstHusband, anyway!)

A Book Review: Let's Stick Together: The Relationship Book for New Parents by Harry Benson

In short - 7 out of 10 - Definitely worth a read. Concise reminders to help rejuvenate your relationship - a definite read for all men and also useful for women.

I should first perhaps say that this isn't an overtly Christian approach to marriage and relationships, such as the Love Dare manual, so if that's what you are looking for, you may be surprised. Let's Stick Together is instead a simple and effective set of ideas to implement that are presented in a non-religious way, and can be used by people of faith or without faith; Jesus never explicitly comes into it. Used in a variety of settings, including the government's Surestart family initiaitve in the UK, the book in theory could be described as a 'secular' approach to relationships - it can be applied across the board without offending non-worshippers.

For those who are keen to have a Christian tenet behind the way they conduct their marriage, however, the book does place an emphasis on marriage (compared to cohabitation) and, although it's been couched in non-religious language and concepts, the thinking behind the book, and the author's own family life, clearly revealed itself to me as Christian within the text because I knew what to recognise. Its more subtle, faith-filled approach may alienate those who want a stronger, clearer Christian message (or indeed those who are seeking a patriarchal relationship, which is quite clearly not advocated here); but one of the things I liked about the book was that it can be used by all and sundry to apply principles that strengthen their relationships.

Let’s Stick Together covers many aspects of life as a couple, including a chapter on the things we could avoid (Bad Habits) and one on the things we could take on to improve things (Good Habits). Chapter 5, ‘Things they Don’t Teach You in Antenatal Class’, encourages the reader to think about how feel about concepts such as commitment  and family, and how this impacts on our relationships. The book's subtitle 'The Relationship Book for New Parents' is, to be honest, a bit of a misnomer. Yes, this book would come in handy adjusting to life as a couple with a newborn. It contains plenty of suggestions as to how to work better as a couple; how to understand each other better; how to treat each other better, even in the difficult times. Yet it's clear from reading the text that these methods aren't merely useful in those early, new days of parenthood - they can be applied at any point within a marriage, whether there are young children in the family unit, older children or no children.

Straightforward, simple ways to improve behaviours and communication in a marriage make this book a useful read wherever you are in life's journey, so if you don't have a newborn or one on the way, don't let that put you off this book. Similarly, your relationship doesn't have to be at a 'crevasse moment' as Benson terms it (AKA a long-term crisis point). For example I don't think my husband and I would identify that we're experiencing one of those right now, even though with a fourth child having arrived we're time- and energy-poor, but reading the book at this time in our lives still benefits us and reminds us how to behave!

If you're familiar with the concepts behind relationship counselling - such as love languages, sacrifice, knowing when to keep your mouth shut and thinking about the marriage you want to have, for example - it's possible there won't be many new ideas in this book. For the first half of it, I found myself recognising its contents as things I knew already and was bemoaning the lack of practical examples, when I knew most of the theory. I'd now argue, however, as the book goes on to highlight, that if you're in a period where it's hard to implement the strategies recommended here, forward planning and remembering what you should be doing and setting targets to implement this when you're not exploding with tiredness at every juncture, still remains extraordinary helpful, so keep a copy of this on the bookshelf to dip in and out of over time.

Another aspect I found interesting was the focus on the male narrator, who drew widely on his experiences a a man, father and husband to address the problems that can take place within relationships and recommend ways of remedying them. I didn't find this offputting at all – in fact it was quite refreshing that here was a man embracing the concept of sacrifice and putting his wife and family first, speaking with humility about his failures and how to improve. What I would say, however, is that having this voice, the book is likely to work well with men, who can identify with the author and take on board his ideas. This is not to say that women would not find it useful, but if you are looking for a book that would particularly suit husbands and fathers, this could be it.

The book does fail on a couple of levels, but only at the expense of firming up its strengths. Those well versed in psychology may well find its basic approach too simplistic, for example. Others, like myself, may seek more practical solutions to stop ourselves doing all the things we shouldn’t, when we know we shouldn’t – rather than putting the solutions out there and expecting us to adapt to them over time. But they are probably the domain of a different book entirely – and I expect Benson would argue that by spending time together, and starting to implement just  a few of the things he suggests, the crevasse point can be successfully circumnavigated.

The book also contains useful commentary on the role of men as leaders in today’s society/families, good ideas for families to strengthen their own traditions over time, encouragement to think about the love languages of any children we might have, AND contains a question & answer chapter at the end that couples can work through separately or together to gain increased insight into their own behaviours and how these feed into life as a couple.

In summary – simple, straightforward, and likely to be beneficial to most couples, I would recommend this as a read at any stage along life’s journey.

Meal Planning Monday 22 April

Well - things are getting easier in this family of six and I've progressed to roasting a chicken weekly again. In the next few weeks I'll reintroduce 'proper' cooking again and I'll even be scheduling new things to try. Small successes are already coming through - on Saturday, I threw together a banana breakfast loaf (literally, all the ingredients go in one bowl at the same time!) On Sunday, 2nd & 3rdSister helped make Rocky Road with leftover Easter chocolate, which provided an über-pudding after our pork roast (with new potatoes, roast potatoes, cabbage, sweetcorn, yorkshire puddings, apple sauce and gravy). Now I just need to remember to take and upload photos as I think this blog would benefit hugely from that!

Meat Free Monday - Greek Meze with pitta, falafel, salad, cous cous olives & Abel & Cole's amazing tzatziki

Tuesday - Wholewheat pasta with roast chicken pieces and pesto

Wednesday - (Supermarket) curry , basmati rice & chapati

Thursday - Roast chicken and chips

Friday - Pink peppered mackerel salad

Saturday - Pizza Night

Sunday - Sausages, mash, yorkshire puddings, gravy, veg and chocolate gateau for pudding!