Thursday, 11 November 2010

Small Successes! Volume 4*


I clearly haven't been blogging lately, even though I have many ideas. Life is happening around me, so that even when the needs of our 3 month old daughter are met, there are the needs of other family members, church meetings, online gift shopping and studying to be done. I have been feeling slightly unhinged about this lately - that I can't do many of the things I was used to with 'only' two children to look after - but things seem to have come full circle in terms of my understanding, as this week's Small Successes explains.

Inspired by a chat with a friend who is a mother of three (with no more on the horizon and starting to develop certain bits of life more for herself) we realised that until recently, I was in a position to do lots of things for me. My lay ministry course was flying, I rehearsed and performed regularly with a singing group, helped run our church's Pram Service, ministered on the Baptism Preparation team, attended committee meetings for the church women's group and my middle daughter's playgroup, enjoyed cooking from scratch using the produce from our weekly organic fruit, veg and meatbox, baked cakes for events, attended church on a Sunday evenings solely for my own spiritual satisfaction - and so on. As well as taking care of the family.

It sounds a lot, but actually it was in balance. I am skilled in saying no to things I know I can't do, or would stretch me too much. But since the new baby, everything has dropped by the wayside, to an extent. Obviously I'm indescribably, madly in love with baby Rebecca, but I have also missed church services by myself, getting up to read the Bible to the congregation, women's nights, singing rehearsals and baking. I will be unable to perform in my Ensemble's upcoming November concert. I have kept on with meetings and helping at Pram Service, but along with blogging, lots of parts of 'me' are left behind.

But after talking with my friend, I've had an epiphany - and not one of the 'it won't last forever' type. Just that, I had become used to these gifts to me - time, space and the motivation and ability to do different things than mothering. Yes, one day they will come again, but that's not what's changed my attitude. It's more the fact that, when I had two kids under two, I had none of those things. And it was wonderful. Hard work, but do-able, and there wasn't much left for me, but there was always enough. I'm only missing things because I had them, and had developed them, and become used to them. It's a privilege to have them, and success is in realising that I am content mothering, studying a little and playing a little. It doesn't matter if I am not getting to do what other folks can, because they are not in the same place as I am. And I am great where I am.


I have helped keep the family alive, fed, clean, well-slept and generally happy this week!


Thanks largely to Imogen's godfather, who is sat playing games with her while I type, and my husband, who is in the other room where the baby is sleeping, I got my small successes done this week, which is a small success in itself. What a gift. Celebrate. Woo hoo!

Hosted by Danielle at Faith and Family Live

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